"Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting." (Psalm 139:23-24)
I prayed these words before entering my workplace. I asked God to go deep and clean out any dirty, ugly thoughts and actions inside me. I asked for Him to go deep and cleanse me through and through.
He quickly answered this one. About two hours into work, my boss sat me down for a difficult conversation. She seemed concern with the stressful aura I carried around at work. Yes, I find my job stressful; Yes, I become somewhat depressed knowing the environment I must endure for 9 hours; Yes, I leave drained of any positive emotion. BUT, I did not realize others could see this through my short words or snippy responses. My attitude displayed was offensive to Him and my thoughts very anxious!
When stress hits or I feel upset about a situation, I shut down. I dislike drama and negative words. I stay in my own little world, bring my walls up and place a mask on my face. By doing so, this allows no one to get too close and prevents any direct harm done to me. I don't want negative words spoken about me or drama stirred because of something I may say. So, the answer I discovered is to lock up myself, letting no one come too close.
Well, guess what? I AM SO WRONG!
"If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." (1 Peter 4:11)
I seem to possess multiple personalities in life. At work, I am tense, stressed, negative and ashamed of the person I become within those walls. At home, church and social events I am a different person. God does not intend this for my life. I must take Him everywhere I travel. I must speak the very words He provides and set examples in each environment I encounter.
Why then do I continue this behavior? As long as breath comes into our bodies, we will be learning and adjusting our attitudes to reflect Him. He teaches us how to walk the straight path daily. Whether we choose to listen the first time or learn the hard way is our choice.
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,"
(Romans 3:23)
"in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." (Colossians 1:14)
"I am writing to you, dear children,
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name." (1 John 2:12)
because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name." (1 John 2:12)
Though we fall, we are forgiven. Jesus died on the cross to wash away all our sins. We are forgiven. Let that sink in, meditate on these words. His love is amazing!
God slowly cleans up my sinful patterns, destructive thoughts and nasty wounds. Many times I feel so lost, so damaged that I am beyond repair. I must remind myself that His Word says different. I am forgiven and healing is on the way. He knew what He was getting into when He brought life to this little ole woman. He knows my heart means well, but my mind overtakes from time to time. I am a working progress!
Keep praying harder than the devil can work.
Sheree Craig
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