Filthy Rag

It amazes me the years I spent wasting away, killing my spirit.  I reflect back on different situations, trying to place when a specific lie entered my mind.  It seems numerous accounts built up to confirm the lies Satan embedded in my thoughts. 

I believe God forgives me for sins I committed.  But, forgiving myself creates a struggle and I feel unworthy of love.  I recall the nights where my "NO" sounded like "YES" to a guy.  Or the "NO" was persuaded into a "YES".  I envision the nights I used harmful things to numb out.  I relive the rejection which consumed my whole being when turmoil struck my home and I worked so hard to MAKE someone love me.  With my track record, I could not fathom anyone loving me.  My dirty, sinful life left me feeling like a filthy rag no one would touch with a ten foot pole.

"Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."

(2 Corinthians 7:1) 

So, brings me to my journey of purification.  These events listed left lasting damage to my body, mind and spirit.  The embedded lies continue to surface and I find myself wanting to run in the corner so no one will see the disgusting past I carry.  I must find my worth in God, not my past.  But, when a past wound is revealed, I run to my corner and feel unworthy all over again.  

“Forget the former things;
   do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
   Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
   and streams in the wasteland." (Isaiah 43:18-19)

As I hold my arms up, pray loudly and call upon Him, He runs quickly to hold me.  He wipes away my tears and brings me out of that dark corner.  I praise His love and forgiveness.  Together, He and I, find healing for the past wound.  God surrounds me with people who love me despite my ugly past and who care nothing about the sinful decisions I made before giving my life to Christ.  

Remember, God forgives us all as we surrender to Him.  He love us mind, body and spirit.  I pray for all reading this to find peace with past mistakes and know that each situation formed your character.  Each struggle helped you realize the good things in life and where Truth is found, God's Word. 

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUM86eL6tVw 

God, thank you for another day.  Thank You for sending me people to love me for me, regardless of my record.  You are a forgiving, loving and healing God.  I know that my body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and not a dirty old rag, unworthy of touch.  May I find comfort in my body so loving touches may be accepted.  I love You.

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

Sheree Craig