Keep Watch

When implementing such positive words, growing tactics and binding together to live life as a team; marriages begin to thrive.  The shift from day to day unhealthy decisions to moment to moment consciously choosing healthy decisions for your marriage will cause one factor to appear in the equation. 

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. . . (Genesis 1:31a)

Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden’?”

(Genesis 3:1)

From the beginning of creation, the enemy comes to steal and destroy God’s goodness.  God made the very first couple and deemed male and female VERY good.  No conflict occurred between the two.  No stress created havoc in their lives.  No shame/guilt hindered their connection.  Until. . .the enemy came into the picture and worked diligently to place a wedge between male and female.  It all started with one question creating doubt in Eve’s mind of the Truth God spoke. 

The enemy still works with such diligence today.  He desires messy marriages complete with broken people out to tear each other down.  Therefore, we must show the enemy Who already won the battle.  Marriages may get messy from time to time, but do not allow the enemy to enter with a wedge to place so tightly between you and your spouse.  Stand firm on His Truth!  God’s Word is Truth and the enemy places lies all around in hopes to develop doubt within each of us.  Keep watch out for those lies and put the enemy in his place! 

But when Jesus turned and looked at his disciples, he rebuked Peter. “Get behind me, Satan!” he said. “You do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”  (Mark 8:33)

This world holds human concerns, fleshly desires, brokenness and disappointments. . .live in the world but not OF the world.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.   After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

(Ephesians 5:21-31)

And every day pray for one another and for the marriage.

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

The Correct Language

Moving right along in our marriage a discovery is made.  Marriage does not come easy.  It takes intentional work to keep two individuals meshed as one.  It takes full attention to recognize when one begins to divide into two.  This brings me to another lesson learned. . .

3)  We must speak to one another in love. . .

Language that is!  In order to discovery the other’s love language, intuition must develop.  Speaking love language of the other requires denying self.  Married couples need to date one another, giving prime opportunity to speak love language one on one.

Let’s talk about intuition first.  Watching your spouse, observing mannerisms, taking note of times when joy overflows and just finding out what makes them smile helps build intuition and discover their love language.  Five love languages exist: Gifts, Quality Time, Words, Acts of Service and Physical touch.  You may just need to flat out ask your spouse which language they understand and equate to love. 

God paired me with one who understands physical touch (mind out of the gutters – this includes any touch, not just intimate touch).  Unfortunately, with my past and the home environment, this is the most difficult language for me to speak.  Therefore, I must work through a messy past and develop this language in order to love my spouse to the fullest.  When developing/learning a new language, diligence must be present. 

Each person wakes daily with an empty love jar.  It becomes our role to fill the jar daily.  In order to do so, self must be denied.  Just because we feel loved by hearing a specific language, does not mean our spouse hears the same.  Denying our needs, looking to fulfill our spouse’s needs, becomes priority.  Shifting in this direction leads to your spouse desiring to fill your jar as well.  Someone must start the process though.

Not too far back, life began to get crazy with an overflowing schedule.  Days passed and empty love jars lined the counter in our home.  Once counter space reached capacity, a time-out needed to occur!  I voiced such concern to my spouse in this manner:  “Life is getting crazy and our love languages are far off the radar.  Someone needs to begin speaking love language around here.  I am stubborn, so I suggest you begin.”  See, my dear friends, when our spouse is not speaking love in the way we receive then our desire to display love to them diminishes.  Someone needs to begin speaking love language!

A fantastic way to take a time-out to refuel, refocus and redefine relationships is date night!  This night plays such importance on the connection between spouses.  This night helps mend any brokenness occurring due to worldly pressures.  This night keeps two individuals meshed as one.  This night need be present weekly.  Yes, I said weekly!  Hang with me here. . .

Date night can include a morning coffee for 30 minutes, a bubble bath in the evening, candlelit dinner/dessert after putting kids down for the night, a walk in the park after work before picking kids up for the evening, a phone conversation over lunch break or watching a funny lighthearted show together.  I do encourage at least once a month hiring that babysitter, getting dolled up and spending a little money to go out on the town.  Take the time to get cleaned up – ladies this includes shaving (past the knee this time), finding a nice outfit, dabbing on some makeup and taking the time to feel beautiful.  Men this includes trimming the nails, clean shaving faces, ironing the outfit and taking time to make your wife feel beautiful!

Fall in love again DAILY!  Chase after your spouse’s heart.  Make date nights prime time to steal their heart.  Make date night a time full of remember when. . .when laughter existed in our relationship, when flirting filled our days, when carefree minds came together and when life had no daily responsibilities.  Do not discuss kids, money, household chores, etc. on the date.  Take each moment and build up that passion to then return home and be with one another intimately (yes, you read that correctly).  Intimacy is very important in a relationship.  Connecting in such a manner keeps two individuals meshed as one. 

Ending on that wonderful note. . .

One important factor still remains. . .

Until tomorrow Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

Listen - Then Speak

As the pride begins to diminish and wounds receive proper care, the team called marriage grows in strength.  Still two individuals working diligently to mesh as one, a factor remains missing. . .

2)  Communication along with listening.  Communication involves a realm of details.  One most important is listening to the communicator.  Another detail includes choosing the battles which to communicate.  A final one I will discuss is communicating in a way which builds not destroys!

God created mankind without abandoned detail.  He touched each fiber placing each piece exactly where He deemed best.  We now must use such a vessel as intended.  Just as failure to use an item properly leads to faulty equipment; failure to use our bodies in ways intended leads to less than desired results.  Take a look in the mirror – for different reason than I have asked in the past – see the reflection and study carefully.  God provided ONE mouth and TWO ears!  Hmmmmm.  Do you think possibility exists that the ears play a greater role than the mouth?

Listening to our spouse, hearing the words spoken and understanding what breaks their heart will solve many marriage problems.  Lay down pride.  Leave it at the cross.  You will not always be correct in every situation.  Women, even when we are completely 100% correct, does it really harm us to let the guys think they are correct?  Men, even when you know logically what the best decision would be in a situation, does it really harm you to allow the girls to do it their way?  You never know, the guys may have a much better take on the situation or the way the girls accomplished the goal was a pretty cool idea.  Let each other have that moment – the moment of being correct!  God does not sit up in Heaven taking score of who is correct more often and rank in prestige. 

Choose your battles; difficult due to each feeling importance in things that bother, hurt or sadden, right?  Well, my dear friends, some things just do not matter.  Before speaking a word, ask yourself if the factor at hand is worth the growing moment.  I agree that when a spouse chooses to crunch ice loudly for all to hear, a growing moment can take place.  ;-)  In all seriousness, choose the battles which to pour forth energy.  In doing so, you may find that God uses that battle not chosen to shape and mold your character – forming an even greater you to be used for His Glory.  Love your spouse where they are and pray them to where they need to be.  Condemnation only leads to a defensive receiver.  As you lay your head down at night, turn each growing moment and the battles not chosen over to God – He will do amazing work overnight and present the solution to you in the morning.  Rest peacefully.

Let us build one another up and encourage as the Bible commands.  Your spouse is the one person in this world who loves you regardless of what happened in the world today.  Together, you both work as a team to navigate through such a broken world.  Coming home to a nagging wife or critical husband will not fulfill the command of building up and encouraging.  We receive enough negativity, criticism and hateful actions the hours spent outside the home.  Set up the home environment to be one filled with love, forgiveness, peace and joy.  Take a moment and read the following Scripture. . .

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)           

Sound familiar?  The Scripture probably appeared during the ceremony which legally consecrated the marriage.  Have you ever revisited such heavy Truth?  Read it again, only this time exchange the word love for your name.  After each statement spoken with your name inserted, ask yourself if the statement is true or false.  Communication is not limited to words spoken.  It also occurs in actions, body language, attitudes and lack of words spoken.  Let this Scripture be a goal to work towards each day.  Take one that seems hardest for you and work toward improving that area.  See how your spouse responds!  Let God use this Scripture to bind the marriage even more than its current state.

More tomorrow. . .

Until then Keep praying harder than the devil can work.  

Become One

I think we can all agree that the whole marriage thing remains difficult.  Two individuals, created to be one, meet and ‘fall in love.’  The dating phase includes putting best foot forward, holding back on those ‘moody’ moments and overflowing the other’s love jar.  We work to keep one another content, desiring to remain in such relationship.

The day comes when the guy ‘puts a ring on it’.  Committed to live day in and day out with each other, the two begin planning a glorious day to announce this commitment to all and solidify the relationship.  Lots about character come out of the woodwork during planning such an event.  Some ugliness in the form of words or actions may bring the first ‘growing moments’ of the relationship. 

Somehow, both get through it alive.  After coming down from the celebration high and transitioning from newlyweds to married couple; life begins happening.  Neither can control the rate in which life occurs.  Neither can control outside influences which strain such a ‘strong love’.  Neither can control reactions of the other (though attempts do occur).  Two individuals, created to be one, come together under one roof carrying lots of baggage.  I do not mean clothes or furniture.  I do not mean the beautiful household items received as wedding gift.  I am talking about the heavy baggage carried under the threshold in a box titled ‘ME’.

See, we each bring the past into the marriage.  While dating, a lot of this can remain hidden.  We can keep the Band-Aids over our hearts.  Eventually, the adhesive begins to wear off and the wounds open completely.  We then proceed to look to our spouse to heal such wounds; only to find our spouse to hold the salt which worsens the wound.  Our spouse can never become a savior to heal such deep rooted wounds of the past.  Yet, we expect such a miracle. 

When the wounds don’t heal, what happens?  They become infected.  We work to find a Band-Aid to cover these wounds.  Never a healthy outcome!  When such measures don’t work, we take it out on our spouse.  We begin criticizing their flaws, demanding submission completely to our needs and creating an environment of destruction.  Our wounds remain hidden and avoided.  Two individuals, created to be one, fail to reach such plans.  Anger, resentment, frustration and sadness develop.  Two individuals remain two individuals.

On a one to ten scale (one being failure and ten being success), I receive a five overall.  I am not where I need to be as a wife, but thankfully I am not where I used to be.  The ‘ME’ box I carried through the threshold required a two wheel dolly due to such mess inside.  I expected my husband to unpack each item, fix any broken pieces and clean any dirty items.  I expected a clean, shiny and beautiful me to develop after arriving home from the honeymoon. 

Unfortunately, the ‘ME’ box remained in the middle of the living room creating an obstacle to the two becoming one!  About five years passed and the box still sat in the way.  Every item inside blocked the path created by God for my husband and I to walk hand in hand.  As each item took turns exploding into our daily lives, I continued to build anger for my husband failing to make it better, resentment due to my husband not being the man I envisioned, frustration resulting from unsatisfied needs and sadness for the person I become.  In this state of emotional mess, I could not even come close to being the wife God intended for my husband.

After hitting a brick wall, two choices lay on the table: Give up and get out or Give up and surrender the marriage to our one True Savior.  Well, as you can see, I chose the latter of the two.  In laying it all at the cross, I have learned so much in the past five years.  I would like to share just a few points with you. . . 

1)    Seek to understand rather than be understood.  Find out about the other’s ‘ME’ box.  Avoid criticizing the other for the contents.  The items which lay inside, if not dealt with, end up becoming the very tools the enemy uses to destroy what God has planned.  Focus on healing the hurts stemming from your past to begin building a ministry and nourish your marriage.  Delve into Truth to cover the content of the ‘ME’ box.

To Be Continued. . .

Until tomorrow Keep praying harder than the devil can work.