I work two days a week. My son attends school and my daughter stays with me unless going to her Nana's on Monday and babysitter on Friday. Well, I decided to go back to school, which puts me gone more than just the two days. The prior semester only added one day to my absence in my daughter's life. She adjusted well with the few hours of a different schedule. We made it through just fine.
Well, come semester #2, I picked up more classes and now absence occurs every day. My daughter shifts around from Nana to Mimi to a cousin and to a babysitter. No more mornings, do her and I chill in our pajamas, read/play, clean up the house, eat lunch together and then go pick up my son. Those days will be far and few between. The first week passed of the change and adjustment has been difficult (for us BOTH). I have not had to be somewhere 5 days a week in a long time and she has always been with me 3 out of the 5 day work week.
Come Thursday, I dropped her off at Mimi's house. She clung to my leg like a leech. I stood firm and told her I had to go and would return quickly. I said, the quicker I left, the quicker I would return. I gave a million hugs and a million and a half kisses. I explained all the fun planned for her. Nothing worked. I left her crying at the door. My heart broke. I began to cry as I pulled out of the driveway.
I wanted to turn back, get her and go home. I wanted to break out in full tears and avoid going to school at all. I cried out to God. Was I doing the right thing? Does this line up with Your Will? Are the decisions I make coming from a selfish mother? Should I delay going to school? What kind of mom am I? Am I damaging my daughter's spirit? Will she hate me?
Lots of questions. . .
"Hear my voice when I call, LORD;
be merciful to me and answer me." (Psalm 27:7)
be merciful to me and answer me." (Psalm 27:7)
I continued with prayer, no more questions, just prayer. My heart continued to break. I arrived at school and pulled myself together. I went to read my current book for a bit before class began and low and behold, God spoke to me. He always comes through; I should not have even questioned. Separated apart from the other text, a Scripture shot out of the page and right to my heart.
Here was my answer. . .
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:6-7)
I melted in His arms. I praised Him for taking care of everything for me. I knew He had this one and He works all things out for the good of those who love Him. But, for some reason that morning, I questioned. Why? Maybe my thoughts consumed with my busy schedule, making me more susceptible to lies. Maybe deprivation of sleep or motherly concern overpowered Truth. I don't know, but I do know God has my back. Clearly, I am to give all these anxious thoughts, all these questions which create stumbling blocks on my journey and my daily breath to Him!
He will take care of all of it. What a relief! Thank You God for hearing my cry and feeding me with Truth. Separating my daughter and me five days a week for specific intervals benefits both of our lives. It prepares her for school and me for full-time work in the future. I cannot see the whole picture, yet I was freaking out and concerned with that moment in time when all seemed wrong. I cannot see what growth will come from all of this, only He can. He knows exactly the steps needed to take us further on our journey and remain in alignment with His plan. Thank You God for taking time to plan my life and guide me through every step, loving me always!
God, thank you for another day. Thank You for listening, comforting and answering me. It is in You that I find strength to complete the plans for my life. I seek You for guidance. May I be Your hands and feet daily. Thank You for speaking so clearly to me. I love You.
Keep praying harder than the devil can work.
Sheree Craig
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