What Prize Lay at the Finish Line?

One night, with tear stained cheeks, I recalled a time when life was not so easy. . .

My feet have seen many miles.  Since the age of fifteen, the pavement/treadmill came alongside as a best friend.  Navigating through life, running appeared to fix anything. . .for that moment.  The fog consuming my mind cleared while breathing in fresh air or sweating it out in a gym.  The emotional pain subsided as physical pain took over.  Victory fed my pride when working out longer than the next fellow.  A measurement always ended this episode.  A mere number determined my worth.  If that number increased, I was branded a failure and deserving of any pain this world caused.  If the number decreased, I was branded a winner and the pain remained numb and buried deep inside to hide until the next episode. 

Yes, there were times when the number remained the same.  That meant next time needed to be more aggressive and food intake decreased for the day.  The vicious cycle continued day in and day out.  Pain continued to rage around every place I turned.  But, when running, no one could touch me.  No one could say things to hurt me.  I numbed out the painful scenarios taking place in my very home.  I became lost in the moment. . .but it was just a moment.  The race finally ended only to land me back home.  Guess what?  Nothing changed.  The scenario continued to live out, the rejections continued to occur and my heart broke over and over. 

As the years passed and miles racked up, I learned a trick or two which helped when returning home.  With each workout complete, strength increased.  Not necessarily body strength (I was diminishing and killing my muscle); but strength inside.  Unfortunately, the strength received at the end of each race was used to build a wall around my heart.  Therefore, no one could touch me even after leaving my safe haven.  The measurement, my prize, at the end drowned the hurtful words heard from loved ones.  The physical pain kept my focus for longer periods each time, keeping me numb to life.  It worked. . .

Run the race, put in your time and receive the prize. . .

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.  Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” 1 Corinthians 9:24-25

Oh, I ran in order to get the prize all right; but, unfortunately I ran for the wrong prize.  My eyes focused on the world not my Savior.  Doing so left me empty, bound in chains and physically sick.  Thankfully, God never closed His hand.  He was there as I hit a brick wall.  He waited for me, the very one who denied Him day after day.  He loved me still through all the thick walls around my heart, through all the physical damage caused to this wonderful body given for a purpose and even through the very doubting of His existence.  See, I thought I had it all under control.  I was making it through just fine, right?  WRONG. 

I was dying inside and out.  Until the day I came to the cross.  I laid it all down; the running from pain, numbing out in any way possible and pride along with that dumb number which determined my worth.  All of it lay at the foot of the cross.  Guess how God replied?  He took me in His arms and began tearing down every wall built around my heart.  The feeling cannot be described in words.  The freedom from other’s opinions, hurtful actions and rejection experienced!   

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14

The irreparable damage to my body serves as a reminder to run the right race.  I now can hardly jog for any short period, but I can run faster than before as I press forward toward the goal God set for my life.  He holds a purpose for every moment I suffered.  He does the same for you.  What race are you running today?  What do your eyes see at the finish line?  Let God clear the fog through His Word, heal the emotional pain with His love, provide victory in His Kingdom and be the only Source for your worth!

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.  

Sheree Craig