To the ladies: Have you ever worked for an hour cleaning one room in the house only to discover chaos occurred in another room throughout that hour? Have you ever taken the time to dress nice, put on some makeup and fix your hair then only hear, "That looks nice?" Have you ever slaved in the kitchen to create a meal fit for a king yet receive only complaints once all settled around the dinner table?
We work hard to accomplish the expectations accompanying our role. Whether the role be mother, wife, housekeeper or chef; the pressure exists daily to fulfill these to our best ability. Our attitude often revolves around the progress made and appreciation given for completion. Our flesh needs confirmation of a job well done. We want our work to be recognized. By who? - Others in this world.
I fall victim to the need for approval in my daily life. I will work vigorously in front of my family hoping they see all the hard work done to keep the house in tiptop shape. I will try to put on a nicer outfit, fix my hair to my best ability and even dust off my makeup case to apply some on my face to get attention from my husband. I boast about each crevice I cleaned in a room to try and receive an 'atta girl'. I wait to hear a 'thank you' when I prepare each member in the house for the next day (make lunches, lay out clothes, etc.). Then, to top it off, I take time planning, preparing and providing food to comfort my family and hope to hear how lucky they are to have a great chef living among them.
Wow, I place high expectations on my family. The pressure they feel creates a miserable environment. The need for their approval in my life wraps me in chains. When failing to hear the exact praise I yearned for, the chains pull a bit tighter. I feel trapped, suffocated and a failure. I then externalize all the built up emotion and begin constructing a home no one would want to enter. Some responses include: "I slaved for hours and now all you want to do is complain about food given to you? , If you don't like it, starve. , I just cleaned up this room, don't mess it up. , Don't you see all the work I do? , or What does it take for you to see beauty in me?"
I place such standards on my family that I steal their freedom to be who God created them to be. They begin to try and please me to get peace in the house and lose themselves in the meantime. My family will try and help, say nice things and eat without complaints; but, will I ever be satisfied?
The answer is NO, if I continue to seek approval from those with 'skin on'. Not only do I continue to feel empty, but I portray an unloving, dissatisfied, hard to please individual. I will never be happy when my happiness relies on reactions of others. God created each of us in His image and with a specified purpose. If I try to control my loved ones so they act and speak to please me, I say to God, "I think you messed up on this one, let me fix that for you." I do not love them for who God created. I destroy their hearts as well as mine.
The solution comes when we/I fully accept God into every aspect of our/my day. He created each of us to please only Him. Yes, He provides specified roles in life, but does not do so for us to get a pat on the back from all affected. He wants us to do everything for Him. Praise Him for the blessings given daily. He sees all your good work. He intends for our hands to complete tasks with a loving heart leading them. He intends for our thoughts to align with Truth as we serve. We are not here to tally up our 'atta boys' or 'atta girls'. We are here to serve God in fulfilling the roles He placed in our life. We must do these without grumbling, complaining or seeking approval from man. Let others be themselves, work only for God and relax in His arms. Give others the space to discover their character without trying to form them to have the same beliefs and character as you. Set by example a life led by God. Encourage each other, help one another and see through God's eyes the beauty within each creation.
Do for the Lord, not man! He is constant in loving, comforting and caring. Seek Him for approval and be filled beyond your imagination. Satisfaction will follow surrender. God's Word provides all you need. He will help, lead, teach, love and bless your life. Go to Him. Allow Him to shine in your life and wipe out all the need for approval. He will break the chains and free your soul.
God, thank you for another day. Help me to seek only You and avoid trying to fill up with approval from those with 'skin on'. I am here to serve You. Thank You for providing a house, a family and food for us daily. May I care for each of these blessings in a way pleasing to You so that my house will become a warm, welcome home. Help me see others just as You see them. Rid me of grumbles and complains when I do not receive the appreciation I think I should. Help me to appreciate the differences in all my loved ones and love them for who You created. I love You.
Keep praying harder than the devil can work.
Sheree Craig
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