Renewed

After viewing a movie revolved around a high school reunion, I fell asleep to the memories of my high school experience.  In doing so, I felt like the girl in the movie.  She arrived at her reunion in hopes to reconnect with an old flame in order to start her life over from graduation and do it the “right” way.  See, her life did not turn out as expected or desired by others; therefore, she viewed herself as a failure. 

Throughout the evening she kept reliving old times with her best friend (which was male).  All the good times involved him, not her old flame.  Long story short, she realized that life DID turn out as it should.  Her old flame had not changed a bit: arrogant, cheater, childish and a liar.  Her true love was right under her nose the whole time.  She let him slip out of her fingers in high school and almost again at the reunion.  He loved HER, not who she was supposed to be!

Here is the correlation.  As I lay in bed reminiscing, I worked diligently to recall good memories.  My experience included one “normal” year filled with friends and good times.  Then, something changed. . .looking back, I see the change occurred in me not the environment.  I began longing for approval, love and for each day to go as I planned.  Well, none of that can occur if I were to be myself, right?  So, transforming into the patterns of this world kept me pretty busy.  The looks, actions and words said depended on the group surrounding me.  Being like those around would keep me “in”, right?

As I struggle with the concept of the years wasted doing the above, I kept coming back to my best friend (which was male).  He accepted me just as I came.  We spent hours on the phone nightly and for some reason being on the other end of a phone broke down any walls hiding my true heart.  Our interests collided: sports, clean fun and showing kindness to all regardless of status.  Plus, his parents were awesome.  I spent more time at his home simply because the environment felt comfortable.  His family knew how to love others just as you are, not for who you were supposed to be!

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2

With each recalled memory, I smiled.  Then, I hit a wall on memories.  Distance split my best friend and me after we finally were able to realize we were to be more than best friends.  Years went by, but the place in my heart remained occupied by his smile, love and memory.  He was there through thick and thin.  When Anorexia reared its ugly head and occupied my life, he still saw a gorgeous girl and loved me anyway.  When family matters created a sad, angry and distraught child, he took the blows of frustrations and loved me anyway.  When distance separated and changed me once again, he kept reaching and loved me anyway. 

See, he did not love the person I kept trying to be (prettier, better, successful, in control, etc.); he loved me!  It took years of failed relationships, bondage to an eating disorder and endless transformations to try to fit “in” before realizing my true love was right under my nose the whole time.  The opinions of others, distractions of this world and decisions of loved ones did a great job stealing me from me!  Only when I realized who God created me to marry and love is when I saw the true love my Father in Heaven holds for me.  He loved me so much to make all things work out for good even though I kept diligently working to screw it up!

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

I now hold the privilege of waking up next to the one God planned for my life.  He loving took me back in his arms and continues to love me for me!  I still struggle with approval, searching for love and control. . .but now, I know Who to turn to when these feelings hit.  The world cannot bring renewal to my thoughts or clarity to any situation.  God’s Truth leads me back to the path planned for my life.  That path includes the man built up to be my partner.  Thanks God for not giving up on me and placing me back in the arms of my true love. 

Turn to the One knowing the path laid for your life.  Leave the world’s opinions behind and begin renewing your mind.  Life may not have turned out as you expected or thought; but, He will take whatever past you hold and turn it out for good as you renew your mind daily with Truth.

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.  Sheree Craig