Finally, the Missing Piece

I began the journey on my own.  I sought the only help I knew – medical.  The nurses and doctor did the best they could to help with physical health.  It just wasn’t working.  ED was just too big.  The burdens carried weighed in at a greater number than the one seen on the scale.  I sat in discouragement, pain, sadness and defeat.

I cannot remember how I discovered the place where healing began; maybe the newspaper or local radio station.  A support group existed for those struggling with eating disorders.  Nothing like this existed in an outpatient setting within a 45 mile radius except this one.  I called and signed up for the next session.  The group met in a church – a place my feet had not touched in quite some time.  I gained hope for recovery again.  I sat quiet, listening to the leader follow along through a study.  The study provided Scripture to back up every reason for healing. 

The leader suggested writing down any Scripture discovered along the journey in an index bound booklet and read through them daily.  This began a process that now includes about six filled booklets.  A transformation began each time a Scripture replaced and ED thought.  Brick by brick, the walls surrounding my heart began to crumble.  I shared more as the weeks passed and came to know many Christian women.  The original group of ladies will forever hold a place in my heart. 

One week, my husband and I attended a Baptism at the church where group met.  That day marked a pivotal moment for recovery.  We decided to come back the next week and then the next and even the following week to church.  With each week, freedom from such bondage as an eating disorder became a possibility.  I think I found that something missing from this whole recovery thing.

My husband and I took Jesus as our Lord and Savior.  The burdens lifted as God scooped me up to carry me away from the enemy.  I would love to say this day marked the end of every ED thought, healed every wound, crushed every wall built around my heart and brought complete comfort in life.  It did not.  What this moment provided; Hope, Love, Peace, Comfort and Freedom.  Link by link, God broke the chains holding me in bondage.  ED quickly lost power and no longer controlled my actions.  I now began the journey of recovery, healing from the inside out.  Since losing power, ed was not a choice to numb out.

To explain what I have learned on this journey would take pages upon pages (whole reason I now blog).  I will take some time and just bullet point the major epiphanies encountered.

·         I am worthy of love and touch

·         Emotions provide healing and strengthening

·         This world is broken and if our hope is placed IN this world, we will not make it through any storm faced

·         I do have purpose in this life

·         I am not a mistake

·         Perfection can never be obtained here on Earth

·         Grace need be given to others so that I may receive the same

·         Vulnerability does not equate weakness

·         It is through my weakness that God uses me the most

·         Laying down each burden at the foot of the cross builds faith as God always does His part

·         Recovery does not happen overnight – it is a journey and lasts a lifetime

·         One step at a time, Day by day strength comes and ed weakens

·         I must keep alert to the enemies schemes, keeping watch for triggers which could send me running backward or veering off the path into the wilderness without proper equipment

·         God provides protective armor with which to boldly wear daily to defeat the enemy

·         Some days I feel defeated; but thankfully God’s mercies are new each and every morning

·         “I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be; I am okay and on my way.” ~Joyce Meyer

Oh, and definitely . . .

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.