Letting Go

The time draws near. . .the day every kid dreads. . .the day parents fill with a range of emotion. . .it drains checking accounts. . .stocks kitchen cabinets and fridges. . .changes lives. . .even steals some innocence.  Figured it out yet?  THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.  Less than three weeks away.  Kids see this day as the end of freedom.  Parents see this day as the start of freedom (arguments diminish, babysitting issues subside, etc.).  School supplies and clothes take away all the income earned the past two months.  Kitchens fill with snack packs, lunchmeat, bread, PB&J, cereals for a quick breakfast, etc.  Our children leave the house for this day and return a bit different.  With each day, growth occurs, innocence diminishes, tough experiences may arise, homework piles on the agenda, friendships build, friendships dissolve and parents fall further off the fashion train.  The day marks a great beginning for another journey our kids must experience.  We went through it. . .and so must they.

I got my camera charged, lunchboxes ready, supplies labeled, new outfits pressed and laid out neatly, favorite breakfast made and all is well for the first day.  I should be filled with excitement, proud of the growth my kids made thus far, confident that all will go just fine and ready to release each child for their adventure.  Well, I’M NOT!  The more I think about that day, the more my stomach churns, sadness fills my heart, worry fills my mind and tears fill my eyes.  Let me explain a little deeper into why so much emotion.  My son is in fourth grade, we have done this 4x now, all should be fine, right?  Well, this year is a bit different.  My attachment, I mean my daughter, enters Kindergarten.  We have not been apart for more than a few hours (not including staying with family).  She is so innocent, happy and confident.

For example, as we shop for school clothes, she could care less what the shirt looks like or if the pants even match.  Everything I held up was just fine with her.  She half brushes her hair (only when told) for the day and looks in the mirror – the reflection screams BEAUTIFUL.  She holds confidence in who God created her to be.  I look at my son and realize how the years lived IN this world have changed all that.  He must pick out his clothes (b/c I so fell off the fashion train like three years ago and my husband is barely hanging on), no longer does he want to be walked into school on the first day, pictures are dreaded and talking about your school day screams unacceptable.  Comments or photos of playing with his sister posted on FB would so taint his image (as if a nine year old has one).  Worst part, I see him conforming to the patterns OF this world.  As parents, our job increased in difficulty.  We strive to build him up each day, pray for him to stand firm in who he is in Christ and to enjoy each moment given.  It’s a battle for these kids and I am not ready to release my daughter into it.

Despite my grandest efforts, my husband says she must go and I must continue down the path of gaining a degree.  To that I say. . .BOOOOOOO!  I know she must go, but my emotions cloud any logical thinking.  I want her to stay little, cling closely to me, avoid the risk of being hurt, left out, or lose any joy. 

So, what is a mother to do. . .my daughter begins this new chapter in life and my son faces a new challenge as he enters the 4^th grade (switching classes).  Both seem a little leery about it all, but we try not to talk too long about it.  We want to enjoy our summer.  I began praying, like REALLY HARD!  My heart cries out to God to watch closely over my two children.  Carry them through each day.  Protect their hearts and minds.  Renew them daily with Truth.  Work through me to provide a soft cushion on which to fall, ears to listen, perception to sense difficulties and a shoulder with which to cry.  Open my arms wide to them daily as they return to me.  Oh, and yeah, ease my anxiety please (which is probably worse than my kids). 

Here are His answers. . .

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”  (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”  (1 Peter 5:7)

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.”  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  (Romans 8:28)

“no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”  (Psalm 91:10-12)

AND of course. . .

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

It is all going to be all right!

Sheree Craig