Made to Be. . .

When the person you are trying to be daily does not coincide with the person you were made to be. . .the result is destruction.  I speak from experience; spending each hour working to be the person others would accept and approve based on accomplishments and looks.  My eating disorder grew each day while working to live up to the standards placed by society and numb from the rejection.  ED (eating disorder) accepted me when eating a few crackers for lunch and rice cake for dinner.  ED approved me when running through the pain on the treadmill.  ED took me in when the world shut me out.  The time came when exercise and lack of food was not enough for ED.  ED found disappointment in this less than perfect girl.  Each day, I ran harder and ate less in hopes to feel approved by ED. 

My wakeup call came from a doctor in Tennessee who saved my physical life and began the road to recovery.  It was December 18^th, 2003 and he simply provided an ultimatum; admission or death.  Since I was 20, I had to make the decision.  The world spun around me and my wasting body ran to the bathroom to think, which was becoming quite difficult due to lack of nourishment.  I gazed into the mirror and for the first time in 6 years realized the depth of my sickness.  I did not recognize the image staring back at me.  I stayed in the hospital for 30-40 days, took leave of absence to celebrate holidays in January and then ventured to Wisconsin for rehab until March that year.  I learned so much about health, met some awesome people I will never forget and began the road to recovery. 

I would like to say I never turned back to ED for acceptance or approval; but, life became a whirlwind and disappointments led to striving for perfection.  A downfall sent me back in physical health.  I again reached for acceptance and approval from this world.  Failing to receive it, I turned to ED and knew exactly how to receive it from ED.  Luckily, it did not last as long this time before hitting rock bottom.  I realized this time around that although I knew the physical route to health, my spiritual health NEVER was saved.  Now 25, I realized the past 5 years were simply going through the motions to appear recovered on the outside.   

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galatians 1:10

Surrendering my life to Christ broke the chains of approval and acceptance from this world.  No one can or will be perfect in this world, therefore someone will always disagree with your decisions, looks or words.  The important part is not winning this world’s approval, but working for Christ and walking the path laid for your life.  Do this by accepting Him as your Lord and Savior, meditating on Truth daily and listening for the still small voice to guide your feet. 

I would like to inform you that I got this down pat and never fall back into old patterns.  Well, many times I find myself smack dab in the middle of a storm raging violently and feeling the only way out is to keep pleasing others, working to be someone else and running from it.  I see failing results when daily the person I work to be does not coincide with the one I was made to be! 

God created each of us for a reason, a specific purpose.  He prepared every fiber in your body just perfect to perform the daily work planned for your life.  We cannot change our physical abilities or emotional stamina without worldly alterations.  These will not last or fulfill your true purpose.  Trying to be someone other than planned will lead to frustration, sadness and spiritual death.  Stick close to God, pleasing only Him and you will find peace, joy and spiritual maturation beyond your imagination.  His purpose will be fulfilled and many others will follow you to His Kingdom.  Fix your eyes on Him, not this world. 

I share my story in hopes to inspire you to reach to the One true Healer!  He built doctors, nurses, counselors, and healthcare professionals up in this world to be vessels for healing; but, the true healing begins with the freedom received when accepting Him as your Lord and Savior.  It is then that the Holy Spirit activates and becomes the source of strength for which healthcare professionals can build upon to holistically care for individuals. 

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

Sheree Craig