Listen - Then Speak

As the pride begins to diminish and wounds receive proper care, the team called marriage grows in strength.  Still two individuals working diligently to mesh as one, a factor remains missing. . .

2)  Communication along with listening.  Communication involves a realm of details.  One most important is listening to the communicator.  Another detail includes choosing the battles which to communicate.  A final one I will discuss is communicating in a way which builds not destroys!

God created mankind without abandoned detail.  He touched each fiber placing each piece exactly where He deemed best.  We now must use such a vessel as intended.  Just as failure to use an item properly leads to faulty equipment; failure to use our bodies in ways intended leads to less than desired results.  Take a look in the mirror – for different reason than I have asked in the past – see the reflection and study carefully.  God provided ONE mouth and TWO ears!  Hmmmmm.  Do you think possibility exists that the ears play a greater role than the mouth?

Listening to our spouse, hearing the words spoken and understanding what breaks their heart will solve many marriage problems.  Lay down pride.  Leave it at the cross.  You will not always be correct in every situation.  Women, even when we are completely 100% correct, does it really harm us to let the guys think they are correct?  Men, even when you know logically what the best decision would be in a situation, does it really harm you to allow the girls to do it their way?  You never know, the guys may have a much better take on the situation or the way the girls accomplished the goal was a pretty cool idea.  Let each other have that moment – the moment of being correct!  God does not sit up in Heaven taking score of who is correct more often and rank in prestige. 

Choose your battles; difficult due to each feeling importance in things that bother, hurt or sadden, right?  Well, my dear friends, some things just do not matter.  Before speaking a word, ask yourself if the factor at hand is worth the growing moment.  I agree that when a spouse chooses to crunch ice loudly for all to hear, a growing moment can take place.  ;-)  In all seriousness, choose the battles which to pour forth energy.  In doing so, you may find that God uses that battle not chosen to shape and mold your character – forming an even greater you to be used for His Glory.  Love your spouse where they are and pray them to where they need to be.  Condemnation only leads to a defensive receiver.  As you lay your head down at night, turn each growing moment and the battles not chosen over to God – He will do amazing work overnight and present the solution to you in the morning.  Rest peacefully.

Let us build one another up and encourage as the Bible commands.  Your spouse is the one person in this world who loves you regardless of what happened in the world today.  Together, you both work as a team to navigate through such a broken world.  Coming home to a nagging wife or critical husband will not fulfill the command of building up and encouraging.  We receive enough negativity, criticism and hateful actions the hours spent outside the home.  Set up the home environment to be one filled with love, forgiveness, peace and joy.  Take a moment and read the following Scripture. . .

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)           

Sound familiar?  The Scripture probably appeared during the ceremony which legally consecrated the marriage.  Have you ever revisited such heavy Truth?  Read it again, only this time exchange the word love for your name.  After each statement spoken with your name inserted, ask yourself if the statement is true or false.  Communication is not limited to words spoken.  It also occurs in actions, body language, attitudes and lack of words spoken.  Let this Scripture be a goal to work towards each day.  Take one that seems hardest for you and work toward improving that area.  See how your spouse responds!  Let God use this Scripture to bind the marriage even more than its current state.

More tomorrow. . .

Until then Keep praying harder than the devil can work.  

Become One

I think we can all agree that the whole marriage thing remains difficult.  Two individuals, created to be one, meet and ‘fall in love.’  The dating phase includes putting best foot forward, holding back on those ‘moody’ moments and overflowing the other’s love jar.  We work to keep one another content, desiring to remain in such relationship.

The day comes when the guy ‘puts a ring on it’.  Committed to live day in and day out with each other, the two begin planning a glorious day to announce this commitment to all and solidify the relationship.  Lots about character come out of the woodwork during planning such an event.  Some ugliness in the form of words or actions may bring the first ‘growing moments’ of the relationship. 

Somehow, both get through it alive.  After coming down from the celebration high and transitioning from newlyweds to married couple; life begins happening.  Neither can control the rate in which life occurs.  Neither can control outside influences which strain such a ‘strong love’.  Neither can control reactions of the other (though attempts do occur).  Two individuals, created to be one, come together under one roof carrying lots of baggage.  I do not mean clothes or furniture.  I do not mean the beautiful household items received as wedding gift.  I am talking about the heavy baggage carried under the threshold in a box titled ‘ME’.

See, we each bring the past into the marriage.  While dating, a lot of this can remain hidden.  We can keep the Band-Aids over our hearts.  Eventually, the adhesive begins to wear off and the wounds open completely.  We then proceed to look to our spouse to heal such wounds; only to find our spouse to hold the salt which worsens the wound.  Our spouse can never become a savior to heal such deep rooted wounds of the past.  Yet, we expect such a miracle. 

When the wounds don’t heal, what happens?  They become infected.  We work to find a Band-Aid to cover these wounds.  Never a healthy outcome!  When such measures don’t work, we take it out on our spouse.  We begin criticizing their flaws, demanding submission completely to our needs and creating an environment of destruction.  Our wounds remain hidden and avoided.  Two individuals, created to be one, fail to reach such plans.  Anger, resentment, frustration and sadness develop.  Two individuals remain two individuals.

On a one to ten scale (one being failure and ten being success), I receive a five overall.  I am not where I need to be as a wife, but thankfully I am not where I used to be.  The ‘ME’ box I carried through the threshold required a two wheel dolly due to such mess inside.  I expected my husband to unpack each item, fix any broken pieces and clean any dirty items.  I expected a clean, shiny and beautiful me to develop after arriving home from the honeymoon. 

Unfortunately, the ‘ME’ box remained in the middle of the living room creating an obstacle to the two becoming one!  About five years passed and the box still sat in the way.  Every item inside blocked the path created by God for my husband and I to walk hand in hand.  As each item took turns exploding into our daily lives, I continued to build anger for my husband failing to make it better, resentment due to my husband not being the man I envisioned, frustration resulting from unsatisfied needs and sadness for the person I become.  In this state of emotional mess, I could not even come close to being the wife God intended for my husband.

After hitting a brick wall, two choices lay on the table: Give up and get out or Give up and surrender the marriage to our one True Savior.  Well, as you can see, I chose the latter of the two.  In laying it all at the cross, I have learned so much in the past five years.  I would like to share just a few points with you. . . 

1)    Seek to understand rather than be understood.  Find out about the other’s ‘ME’ box.  Avoid criticizing the other for the contents.  The items which lay inside, if not dealt with, end up becoming the very tools the enemy uses to destroy what God has planned.  Focus on healing the hurts stemming from your past to begin building a ministry and nourish your marriage.  Delve into Truth to cover the content of the ‘ME’ box.

To Be Continued. . .

Until tomorrow Keep praying harder than the devil can work.         

Changed Perspective

As you read this, it has occurred numerous times already.  It happens the moment you wake up.  It happens countless times before leaving the house.  It determines moods, facial expressions, itineraries and even worth.  One may think it stops after leaving the house; nope, it continues while driving, walking down the street and at your work station as well. 

We spend too many minutes of our day allowing such action to take place.  The results are used against us every time.  Yet we continue to arrive for such brutal punishment over and over and over again.  We pass such action down to the next generation.  Their reactions often mimic our example.

What in the world am I talking about?  And why do we not get rid of such an event which does so much harm daily?  Take a moment, walk into the nearest bathroom, stand at the sink and look straight ahead. . .go on, do it!

What happened?  How long did you take?  Do you feel different? 

The mirror: we allow it to hold power over our day.  Next time you glance at it, notice your facial expression.  Take a moment to focus on the opinions thrown at you.  Pay attention to the time taken away from the day due to fixing a perceived flaw or changing a piece of clothing.  Reflect on any difference in esteem compared to before looking into the mirror. 

My daughter and I have been writing posty notes to one another and placing them on each other’s bathroom mirror.  One in particular went straight to my heart.  She wrote: “Your smile makes me feel loved.  When you are happy, I am happy.”  A blow to the gut, I realized I rarely smile.  I spend most of my days spouting off commands, disciplining (in love), berating myself for failure and most importantly looking at a reflection finding flaws to fix each time.  Do I smile when I look in the mirror and give praise to my Creator?  Do I walk confidently, standing firm on His Truth that I am wonderfully and beautifully made?  Do I use the mirror for just the purpose of assuring no food on my face, getting ready in the morning and brushing crazy hair down?  Unfortunately, I answer no to each of these questions on too many accounts. 

I have caught myself over the past week going as far as to check reflection via black screen on cellphone, walking past a darkened window or while driving using the rear view mirror.  Really?  Is such action necessary?  NO!

Doing these things only gives leverage for the enemy to creep in and feed me lies.  Lies work to diminish worth, take away goodness of the day, demolish positive outlooks and tarnish radiance.  Thankfully, our God provides Truth to beat the enemy into the ground. 

Let us look less at our reflection and more to His Word to determine moods, facial expressions, itineraries and worth.  Let us honor Him with the bodies given and walk confidently for Him.  He made us beautiful and wonderful.  He made us with purpose.  Let us change our perspective.

 

Okay, now take another moment, walk into the nearest bathroom, stand at the sink and look straight ahead. . .go on, do it!  Only this time, look intently at the mirror and smile.  Speak Truth to you. . .

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”  (Psalm 139:14)

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. . . God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.  (Genesis 1:27; 31)

How did that feel?  I bet you smiled the whole time. . .what a beautiful reflection you have! 

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

‘But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  (1 Samuel 16:7)

Fork in the Road

Upon boarding a flight, what ifs begin to flow throughout our minds.  From simple to complex what ifs: What if I forgot to lock the front door?  What if my luggage gets lost?  What if I lose my cellphone?  What if I get sick midair?  What if the pilot gets sick midair?  The list goes on and varies among individuals.  We try to sit patiently in seat as others jam bags into above compartments, gather all items to keep entertained throughout the flight and nestle into their seats as well.  The anticipation of takeoff builds along with slight anxiety. 

To make matter worse, a flight attendant stands in front prior to taxi and adds to the what if list.  The attendant explains scenarios along with proper reactions to ensure safety.  To sum it up, you are on your own should the plane go down!  Your seat will serve as a floating device, only two exits encompass the whole plane and oxygen will shoot down from the ceiling.  So, what ifs increase in complexity:  What if the seat does not detach?  What if exit door fails to open?  What if a mad rush to the exits leaves me trampled on the floor?  Okay, I think I need the supplemental oxygen NOW!

Deep breath, calm down and listen to instructions.  Failure to listen will lead to increased problems should an emergency occur.  The attendant gets to the oxygen portion and reminds the flight to place oxygen on self prior to helping anyone else.  Seems a little selfish, right?  It is, but failure to do so leave you unable to help the next person.  Lack of oxygen will eventually lead to physical weakness, mental fog and passing out.  What good would you be then?

What ifs pile into our daily routine.  These can overtake and destroy the joys of the moment.  Our minds fail to listen for instruction due to consumed worry.  Anxiety builds beyond control inevitably landing us in an emergency (which we are not prepared to handle).  Oxygen please!

Deep breath, calm down and listen to instructions.  Our Teacher shares countless instructions varying day to day.  He provides instruction neatly written down for all to pick up and have as a guide for life.  Turn around; it is that dusty Book which sits on the bookshelf.  Clear off the dust and open the pages to find instructions for any situation. 

His Truth will reveal that you must first fill up with Him, learn His character, believe in His free gift, trust Him to guide your feet and take that first step prior to helping anyone else.  Seem a little selfish?  See, we are mere vessels working on Earth to bring others to know Him.  We borrow these bodies which hold the Holy Spirit inside to be revealed to others.  Honor God with the body given: nourish the mind with Truth, soul with Love and the physical with proper nutrients for each day.  Activate the Holy Spirit with an invitation each morning. 

Filled up, you may now go and poor out.  Failure to do so each day leaves a body unable to function properly itself, let alone help another.  The example set forth by an unnourished body may even hinder the next person or veer them from Truth.  Eventually, the empty vessel will crash and burn: physically become weak/unhealthy, experience brain fog due to lies overtaking each thought and fall down in surrender.  Surrender to what?  Here in lies the fork in the road. . .

Throughout our journey we will hit these times when we forget or fail to fill up.  We eventually hit a fork in the road:  conform to the world’s way of healing or lay it all at the cross?  At the cross, you will gain strength, health, clarity and direction.  In the world, you will gain heartache, illness, addiction, lies, failure and dead end paths.  What good would you be to anyone around if consumed with this world?

Let us take this day and honor God with the bodies given to us.  Trust His instructions.  Use the tools given for times of emergency.  He will not fail you.  Therefore, rid yourselves of any what ifs and stand firm on His Truth.  The example you set will spill onto others and help them in ways never imagined.  It is then, purpose occurs!  Take this step with me and become selfish!  Take care of self to then take care of others!

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.      

Have you had a Workout Today?

I love our new home for various reasons.  The increase in square feet allows for all to have a personal space, but also leaving opportunity to come together and enjoy family time.  The yard provides grounds for baseball playing, running around with the puppy and less intense mowing conditions than our previous land.  Our flat driveway serves as a basketball court with which I dominate each family member.  ;-)  MY kitchen gives much space to cook to my heart’s desires and hear all about the children’s school day over afternoon snacks. 

On the flip side (you know, the half empty glass perspective). . .more square foot = more floors to mop/vacuum + stairs.  With the basement complete, much activity takes place downstairs.  Laundry chores begin in the basement and ultimately end up on the second floor (2 flights of stairs to carry loads of clothes).  The second fridge in the basement allows for extra storage and reason to walk the stairs to gather needed items.  The land setup requires push mowing. 

My legs and lungs disagree with such stair climbing and push mowing.  My arms and OCD mentality dislike the increase in square feet.  I find endurance through completion of work to be minimal.  The physical strength encompassed by my body remains obsolete. 

The endurance, strength and motivation continue to decrease.  I find it difficult to climb all the stairs while holding laundry.  I even stop midway to allow legs to rest and lungs to breathe.  When mowing for the first time this year, I stopped every other swipe to regain composure.  I know the facts and reason behind such moments.  My body needs strengthening, conditioning as well as rest.  Yet, I can run a 5K without difficulty or sore muscles post run.  What gives?

Well, a very smart lady explained it as such: ‘Your body is used to running and the muscles required for such intense exercise work well because of strength built upon use.  Endurance and resistant exercise/activity is foreign to your body explaining the difficulty experienced.  Change up exercise routine to build muscle, strength and endurance rather than aerobic activity.’   

Makes complete sense!  Along this journey (which continues until we meet our Maker) to health, I have found another area pretty weak due to stormy situations, stressful circumstances and steady chaotic schedule.  My spiritual health requires strengthening, conditioning as well as resting in the arms of Jesus. 

See, transitioning into a variety of roles throughout life can bring much joy.  Increase in authority at work brings in better income and new experiences.  Time off or retirement opens doors for rest and visiting more with loved ones.  Going back to school provides grounds for new paths to form.  Meeting new people allows for greater connections and opportunities.  Yet, all this good stuff can weaken our spiritual muscles.  Itineraries may take away from Bible study.  New situations may give the enemy leverage into our thoughts.  Or the path may have a few potholes with which to deter us and cause stumbling. 

In order to survive this life, we must stay on top of our spiritual workouts.  These require daily reading of His Word, prayer and reaching out to others when life pushes you around.  We need to fill our hearts with love from our Father.  We need to fill our minds with Truth.  And we need to keep our feet steady through obedience.  It is then endurance, strength and clear mindset will keep focused on the prize which lay ahead; regardless of what the world tries to push upon us. 

A very dear and smart friend spoke to my situation: ‘Healing from the inside-out makes a solid foundation with which to stand.’  If we only fix part of the problem (the physical body, worldly situation, current circumstance or busy schedule) and fail to strengthen our spirit, whatever joy or healing experienced will be temporary.  We need our Father in every situation to help strengthen, providing endurance to persevere.  Let us not grow weary in doing good and being faithful.  Let our spiritual workout continue daily and never become foreign. 

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”  (2 Corinthians 10:5)

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.

Against the Grain

Viruses and infections knock us down for a few days.  Most come in quickly and leave at the same speed.  But, disease and illness often creep up slowly over extended periods of time.  The effects go unnoticed due to the gradual transition into unhealthy lifestyles.  Rushing through day to day events, we miss signs and symptoms warning of diminished health.  Habits form which feed the disease or illness. 

It does not phase us until the condition of health interferes with everyday routines.  Difficulty appears when climbing stairs, fatigue strikes which caffeine cannot cure, skin conditions worsen, pain arises with exercise, vision decreases, etc.  One day we decide to visit the physician.  Diagnosis: verge of diabetes, malnutrition, high cholesterol, deficiency in vitamins, etc.  Prescription: LIFESTYLE CHANGE. 

Whether it be quit smoking, increase activity, decrease fast food, eliminate pop, choose clean eating, supplement vitamins or rest the body; our old habits must go.  ‘They’ say (such smart people) that it takes twenty one days to break a habit.  Well, I would like to place an addition to such wisdom spread throughout the world: it takes a willing, persevering, faith-filled soul twenty one days to break a habit.  What is so magical about twenty one?  Not sure, but ‘they’ say so and everything ‘they’ say is correct, right?

Leaving the physician’s office, with head held high, we decide to begin anew and start walking a healthy path in life.  We throw out each unhealthy habit, going ‘cold turkey’ and swearing off the old lifestyle.  Works well for about one day (if lucky).  It is then we face temptation.  See, temptation works diligently to knock a strong soul off track.  Unfortunately, temptation lurks all around.  Temptation grows in strength and power the moment we decide to shift paths and live better, healthier and positive.

I have struggled for years with gut issues, fatigue, headaches and just plain not feeling well.  Since recovery, my body has gone through the gamut of regimens to refeed and experience full health.  It seems my body fights against every regimen tried.  It almost resembles the yo-yo dieting lifestyle most of society experiences year after year.  Success occurs for a small time frame and then symptoms rear their ugly head again.  Temptation to give up and just be ill occurs at that point.  Temptation to eat unhealthy, destroy the body and forget it all lurks into each day.  Society works diligently to veer everyone down the unhealthy path and give up.  Commercials entice to eat processed, manmade foods.  Infomercials promise quick and easy fixes to weight concerns (and still eat those foods appearing in commercials).  Environments tempt use of unhealthy substances in abundance to enhance the experiences of an event. 

Everyone else can live like this, why can’t we?  Everyone else gives into temptation, why can’t we?  If everyone chose to jump into a raging river for entertainment from an unknown height, would you?

Going against the grain comes with much difficulty.  Choosing healthy options in life and working to instill them into the next generation seems almost impossible.  Society goes with the flow.  It appears easier to continue in the same old lifestyles than to change.  It takes perseverance, willingness, faith and support to slowly change from unhealthy living to healthy living.  These habits did not occur overnight, so cannot be changed overnight.  Offer grace to yourself while shifting feet into the right direction and beginning the narrow path to health. 

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

(1 Corinthians 6:19-21)

In the process, strengthen spiritual health as well.  Feeding Truth into each day, finding strength in the One who created such wonderful vessels for which to live and treating the vessel the best possible.  He allowed us to borrow these bodies and intends for us to use them wisely so that He may work through them to build His Kingdom.  Wide is the path which lead to destruction (going with the flow), but narrow is the path which lead Home (going against the grain).  Join me in doing the very best possible each day to honor God through the bodies given – words, actions, health regimens, rest, etc.  Also join me in receiving grace when stumbling occurs along the path.  He offers that freely, picks us up and helps along the way.  Simply reach to Him and take His Hand for guidance.

Keep praying harder than the devil can work. 

Chip Off the Old Block

Parents often hear comments expressing how their child resembles them.  For example:
He is a chip off the old block.
She is a spitting image of you.
You cannot deny that one.
He gets that from his father.
She acts just like her mother.

I think you get the point.  Children conform to the patterns of their parents.  Whether inherited or learned, traits emerge as a child grows.  The parent plays a huge role in child development beyond their safety.  Daily influence impacts a child's decision making, attitude, character, confidence and future path.  Parents set the example in words AND actions.  Promises must be fulfilled or lack of trust may develop.  Kindness must be exemplified, logical thinking portrayed, support, comfort and love.  Parents have a tough job each day.

As a child, I hated hearing the above sayings.  My parents, at that time, were not cool.  They seemed to ruin all my fun, make me eat lots of green, yucky foods and fall off the fashion train from time to time.  I did not want to be compared to them.  As I grew, I realized how wonderful each parent was and I felt blessed to have received the best from both of them.  And now, as a parent, I love to hear these phrases about my children.  Pride comes over upon hearing that my children are similar to me.

Where am I going with all this???  Well, as we all know, a woman gives birth to us with the help of a man (don't make me explain this any further).  So, of course, we inherit genes from each; hence, we look similar to our parents.  But, how do we begin to act like our parents, talk like our parents or even walk like our parents?  Each and every day, exposure to our parents influences every detail of our living and being.  The pressure is on for our parents to walk the straight path.

Did you realize we all have different parents with 'skin on'; BUT, only one true Father?  And guess what is even better?  He always walks the straight path, exemplifies perfection, and provides support, love and comfort.  He fulfills every promise made.  He offers help daily and never leaves your side.  Our parents here on Earth have disappointed us numerous times and will continue to do so.  They stumble themselves, setting bad examples or may display unloving actions toward you.  Our Father never disappoints, remains stable and loves unconditionally.  As we mature in faith, let us continue to look to our Father for influence by renewing our minds daily with His Truth.  He holds our future in His palm and knows exactly which way to turn with each step.  Rely on Him for guidance.

Though, we physically look like our parents here; let us spiritual resemble our Father in Heaven.  Study His Word daily.  Walk, talk and act just as He did.  Activate Him into your every moment by asking Him to come into your life.  He can and will stand up to any pressure this world may bring your way.  He will provide the strength to persevere through all trials.  He will not stumble and will hold you up, should you begin to fall.  Let Him in your life.

Through life, strive to hear others say, "You're a chip off the old Block," or "You are a spitting image of your Father."  Smile and walk confidently with your Father holding your hand.  Exemplify His character everywhere so there is no denying you are a child of God.

"So God created mankind in his own image,
   in the image of God he created them;
   male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27)

Keep praying harder than the devil can work.