Become One

I think we can all agree that the whole marriage thing remains difficult.  Two individuals, created to be one, meet and ‘fall in love.’  The dating phase includes putting best foot forward, holding back on those ‘moody’ moments and overflowing the other’s love jar.  We work to keep one another content, desiring to remain in such relationship.

The day comes when the guy ‘puts a ring on it’.  Committed to live day in and day out with each other, the two begin planning a glorious day to announce this commitment to all and solidify the relationship.  Lots about character come out of the woodwork during planning such an event.  Some ugliness in the form of words or actions may bring the first ‘growing moments’ of the relationship. 

Somehow, both get through it alive.  After coming down from the celebration high and transitioning from newlyweds to married couple; life begins happening.  Neither can control the rate in which life occurs.  Neither can control outside influences which strain such a ‘strong love’.  Neither can control reactions of the other (though attempts do occur).  Two individuals, created to be one, come together under one roof carrying lots of baggage.  I do not mean clothes or furniture.  I do not mean the beautiful household items received as wedding gift.  I am talking about the heavy baggage carried under the threshold in a box titled ‘ME’.

See, we each bring the past into the marriage.  While dating, a lot of this can remain hidden.  We can keep the Band-Aids over our hearts.  Eventually, the adhesive begins to wear off and the wounds open completely.  We then proceed to look to our spouse to heal such wounds; only to find our spouse to hold the salt which worsens the wound.  Our spouse can never become a savior to heal such deep rooted wounds of the past.  Yet, we expect such a miracle. 

When the wounds don’t heal, what happens?  They become infected.  We work to find a Band-Aid to cover these wounds.  Never a healthy outcome!  When such measures don’t work, we take it out on our spouse.  We begin criticizing their flaws, demanding submission completely to our needs and creating an environment of destruction.  Our wounds remain hidden and avoided.  Two individuals, created to be one, fail to reach such plans.  Anger, resentment, frustration and sadness develop.  Two individuals remain two individuals.

On a one to ten scale (one being failure and ten being success), I receive a five overall.  I am not where I need to be as a wife, but thankfully I am not where I used to be.  The ‘ME’ box I carried through the threshold required a two wheel dolly due to such mess inside.  I expected my husband to unpack each item, fix any broken pieces and clean any dirty items.  I expected a clean, shiny and beautiful me to develop after arriving home from the honeymoon. 

Unfortunately, the ‘ME’ box remained in the middle of the living room creating an obstacle to the two becoming one!  About five years passed and the box still sat in the way.  Every item inside blocked the path created by God for my husband and I to walk hand in hand.  As each item took turns exploding into our daily lives, I continued to build anger for my husband failing to make it better, resentment due to my husband not being the man I envisioned, frustration resulting from unsatisfied needs and sadness for the person I become.  In this state of emotional mess, I could not even come close to being the wife God intended for my husband.

After hitting a brick wall, two choices lay on the table: Give up and get out or Give up and surrender the marriage to our one True Savior.  Well, as you can see, I chose the latter of the two.  In laying it all at the cross, I have learned so much in the past five years.  I would like to share just a few points with you. . . 

1)    Seek to understand rather than be understood.  Find out about the other’s ‘ME’ box.  Avoid criticizing the other for the contents.  The items which lay inside, if not dealt with, end up becoming the very tools the enemy uses to destroy what God has planned.  Focus on healing the hurts stemming from your past to begin building a ministry and nourish your marriage.  Delve into Truth to cover the content of the ‘ME’ box.

To Be Continued. . .

Until tomorrow Keep praying harder than the devil can work.