An all day car
ride led to interesting times. It began
quite nicely with my 9 year old on his Kindle and my 5 year old playing with
her baby doll. Then, it happened. . .the
trauma that starts all the drama. My
daughter’s drink falls to the floor. She
stares at it, waiting for someone to pick it up for her (she so can reach
it). Since no one jumps to her rescue,
she begins demanding help and yelling at her brother. He simply states, “It is not mine to pick
up.” So, we have selfish vs.
selfish. Meanwhile, the drink continues
to leak out of her cup (luckily just water).
Mean mother becomes involved and demands the older pick it up for the
younger and I think I threw out a few threats or something (we won’t go
there). He did and proceeded to torment
her with the straw by waving it in front of her face until she would grab
it. Of course a few drops remained
inside the straw; so, water flings into her eye. Immediately, tears of anger, hurt and sadness
fall.
We got over this
one and continued to the first stop. The
fights continue over who will unlock the van, who gets out on which side of the
van, which stop will be next, etc.
Amongst all the drama and fighting, quite a few glimpses of kind acts
from each child. My daughter holds the
door open 99% of the time. My son paid
for an afternoon treat. My son rocks the
baby doll to sleep a time or two (don’t tell his friends, it would ruin his
rep). My daughter cooperates throughout
each store and resists the urge to throw a fit when her brother purchased a toy
(with his own money) and she received nothing but a smile from her mother
(which I think is better than a toy, but whatever!). Neither recalls these kind acts as they still
fight the same fights and resent one another.
As my daughter takes a nap on the way home and my
son sits quietly taking in the view, I reflect back on our trip and correlate
the relationship between my children to marriage. In marriage, selfish vs. selfish appears too
often, almost daily. Bringing two
characteristics under one roof appears quite difficult. Since the first sin in the garden, conflict
existed. The comfort between man and
woman ceased. “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized
they were naked; so they sewed
fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” (Genesis 3:7) Shame arose and the need to impress one
another struck male and female. Honesty
flew out the window as each looked out for self. Blame was the game. . .The man said, “The
woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate
it.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is
this you have done?” The woman said, “The
serpent deceived me, and I ate.” (Genesis
3:12-13) Fault placed on anyone but
self. Sounds like my children. . .sounds
like marriages.
I
find myself too often waiting for my husband to take care of a task, fix
something for me or reduce my “to do” list.
When he makes no inclination to begin, I demand, sometimes in a louder
decibel than I should, that he help. A
battle begins and ugly words fly out of my mouth. I show little concern toward the day he
experienced or the workload placed in front of him for the day. Nope, it is all about me and making my life
easier, right?
With
tears of anger, hurt and sadness the chores are completed. Lies fill our heads. “If she even realized all the pressures I
have going on right now. . .I get no respect around here.” “If he would think of someone besides
himself, I could get a lot more done around here and be able to relax. .
.doesn’t he care about me at all?” These
are just two examples. . .the list continues.
Who wins? The enemy. He found his way as a wedge between two
people who madly love each other and were placed together as a team to work for
God. So, while the enemy fills our minds
with lies, we lose sight on our mission for that day. We may even lose a week’s worth of missions
due to the failure to let go of anger!
So,
what do we do about it? We demand that
Satan get behind us and remember Who already won this battle for us. God placed two people together to become
ONE. We are to build each other up; may
his strengths cover my weaknesses and my strengths cover his weaknesses. Let us go to the Word and see what God
intended before humankind messed it all up. . .“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man
to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18) A marriage struggles when the woman demands a
leadership role instead of helpmate which God designed. “Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved
the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) A marriage struggles when the man thinks only
of self instead of giving up self for his helpmate.
Role
confusion + lack of respect + lack of love = a huge playground for Satan. Let us push aside all resentment, pressures
to succeed, need to ALWAYS be right and selfish ways. . .let us set our
priorities right beginning today! Start
from scratch, get a pen and paper and write out your “to do” list. . .#1 Love
my spouse as God intended. #2 Respect my
spouse as God intended. #3 Dive into His
Word and learn the role He intends for me to play in marriage.
Let’s
see what happens as we continue the same list each and every day. Nothing else matters!
Keep praying
harder than the devil can work.
Sheree Craig
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