So, in comes rebellion. My son comes to the point of throwing out attitude, spewing words of disrespect and stirring up anger inside. I, being on the receiving end, feel deeply saddened. The rejection from him breaks my heart. Most days, I feel as though someone took my heart and stomped it into a million pieces. All I want to do is hug, love and comfort my child. He refuses. He only remembers the times when things did not go according to HIS plan. He only recalls the times when MOM stepped in and changed the plan to one which was better for him. Therefore, he builds walls around his heart and does not let me in. Being the disciplinarian is not fun. I think I will put in my two weeks notice. . .
. . .then comes one evening. After months of this treatment, I was exhausted. I felt I could not win and did not know how to get my son to realize that I love him with all my heart. Well, that evening, he asked me to sit by him on the couch to watch a show. He even demanded that his sister move over and make room for me. So, in the middle I plopped to watch our show. He put his arm in mine. He laid his head on my shoulder and did not leave my side through the whole show. Wow, my heart became whole again; then, it melted. This is all I wanted from him. I just wanted him to see I loved him and quit rejecting me as a mom. I wanted him to let me love him. I think a few walls broke down in that moment. Not to say they will not come back up one day, but I see now that deep inside, he knows I love him.
I realized in my life, I was doing the same with God. I fell in a rut and did not agree with the life I encountered. The trials and troubles seemed too much. I began to put up walls and lose trust that God would make this all turn out for His good. I would hear Him speak to me daily and pray continuously, but the weight from this world was too much. I remained too focused on negative, forgetting the positive. The discipline felt miserable and I did not recall asking God for a lesson. Being a servant and following His Way did not jive with MY plan. I felt enduring this tough spot in my journey was so unfair. What about MY plan? What about MY feelings? DOES ANYONE CARE!?!
Anger stirred inside, disrespect towards my Father continued and ugly words spat out of my mouth. Satan took advantage of this time and fed me with more negativity. The constant battle each day became old, quick. I needed help. I did not know where to turn or what else to do. I felt stuck, no way out.
In comes a wonderful friend of mine. God used her to speak Truth into my heart. Her words opened my eyes to see God's hand is in this. He will fight the battle, provide strength to endure and grow my faith through all of life's troubles. She helped me see the walls MUST come down and running to God's arms was my next step. Somehow, I ventured from the path and began to fall.
Well, God caught me. I asked Him to sit next to me. I demanded for Satan to step aside and get behind me, for he is a stumbling block and I am here to follow God's plan. I had enough of his schemes and lies. As I cried to my Father, every tear was caught. As I lay my head on His shoulder, every negative word left my thoughts. As I sought after Him, everything seemed just fine. He did not hesitate to take me in His arms. My walls broke and I realized this is all God wanted from me. He wanted me to quit rejecting Him and to realize He loved me. He has my best interest in mind along this journey. He knows what He is doing and I must let Him lead.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28)
This might happen again. The cool thing about our Father is His mercies are new every morning. His grace covers all and He waits with open arms. We can never venture too far off the path to come back to Him. He will catch us as we fall, lead us back to the path laid for our lives and comfort every hurt inside. It may not be easy getting back to where He wants us, but it will be worth it. There are some things God is asking me to do now that are difficult. But, I know I must pray and seek Him for strength and discernment. To rid myself of anger, selfishness and pride; I must follow His instructions. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!
"As for God, his way is perfect:
The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?" (Psalm 18:30-31)
The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?" (Psalm 18:30-31)
God, thank you for another day. I am sorry for venturing away, rejecting Your plan and believing the lies of my enemy. I thank You for leading me to my dear friend so she could speak Truth into my life and kill those lies. Bring to me strength, humility, peace, endurance and an attitude of a servant. May I seek You in all I do and say. Thank You for never leaving my side and welcoming me back with open arms. I love You!
Keep praying harder than the devil can work.
Sheree Craig
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